The Chilling Air

It's strange how the weather and time of year affects me. I can't say for sure exactly what's going on, but I can make an attempt. I was up last night, kind of late, and wasn't sleeping very well. The cold air was getting to me, but more than that my emotions were taking over a bit. I was filled with nostalgia.

The winter time reminds me of the first time I met Katerina. It was during a blizzard in early 2006. It was weird actually. She made me a bird which she painted, and I was a young gun in high school. I was absolutely blown away by her at first sight. It's hard to put into words, but I was astounded by her aura and disarmed by her smile. I felt that familiar anxiety that washes over me when I honestly feel something for someone. I don't know if I could call it love at first sight, but it certainly was as close as I had ever come. I ended up staying with her that night. We drank copious amounts of cough syrup and tripped face, but it was different. We didn't sleep together that night in terms of sex, but we did kiss. I was overwhelmed. The winter brings me back to that, always.

Since I've been numbing myself for years after that, I haven't felt it the same way I feel it this year. It's like being there all over again. I take a bit of comfort in it, but it concerns me nonetheless. I know it's been years and we're separated by the continental U.S., but I still think of her often, fondly. I guess I worry that I'm stuck on her....and who knows, maybe I am. It's probably the one thing that I miss most in my former life. It's also the one thing I wish would've have worked out.

Now that that is said and done, I will move on to my day thus far. I went to go look at car today, which I am very excited over. It was a little '91 CRX. Just my style really. Hopefully, things will fall into place so that I can get it. I was very fortunate for good friends, today. My friend, Steven, was kind enough to let me borrow his car to go look at it. I'm very grateful for that oppurtunity and the friends I have made.

I'm heading to Baltimore tonight for a small adventure. I'm looking forward to it quite a bit. I love cities and new people. It's invigorating to meet someone new without fail. I'm going with a very close friend of mine who has helped me out so much. I guess the theme of the day is friendship. I'm sure grateful for everyone in my life who I consider true friends. There are only a few that are within ear shot, but every single one of them is an awesome part of my life and they keep me sane-ish.

More to come sometime or another.

Sidenote on Katerina: I'm going to see her next week....good, bad, or ugly I'm excited.